Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
