So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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