I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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