i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
babies were throwing up all over the place
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
