Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I supernannyed him into submission
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
