I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
