ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
