Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
