The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
