i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
