Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
