then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
