I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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