I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize