We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
