worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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