Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
