Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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