First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
