Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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