Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
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I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.