I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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