I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I puked a lego.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
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I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..