Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom