U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him