I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.