Im at strip club and am horny
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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