While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
