I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
whose parrot is this?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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