see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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