one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
