dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
