Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
