i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
