the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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