I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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