Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
