I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
