I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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