The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize