I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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