sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
