I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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