My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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