so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
