So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
