i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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