high people should be assigned attendants
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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