Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
