Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
