mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
