i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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