My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
