six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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