well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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