the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
