After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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