I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
