i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I will be naked everywhere
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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