Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
