He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
