So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
