During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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