Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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